The Journey Within

Linear thinking, a method to think logically from A to B to C. We have used it often enough. It’s taught in schools when you are forced to memorise what comes after the letter ‘P’. Remember the multiplication tables? They start from 1 x 1 = 1, 1 X 2 = 2, 1 x 3 = 3 etc… And when you grew older, it’s memorising chronological events, i.e. the dreaded history lesson. Want more examples? Your name on the register list is listed from A to Z. Your exam report is handed out by some order, alphabetical or worse, by ranking! You queue up linearly for your food in the canteen. And when we are asked to think outside the box, no wonder we have so much trouble doing it. We are conditioned throughout our lives to think in a straight line! Nevermind imagining a 3-dimensional box, and then thinking outside of it. Our brains are wired into a 2-dimensional state!

I use a to-do list so that I can tick off one task after the other, linearly. I may also list things in order of priority, so that I can accomplish those task that seems most urgent, first. In a large hierarchical orgainisation, information is passed from one to the other linearly through the organisation’s ranking system. For example, in an office environment, if you’re a fresh graduate recently employed into the company, your report will be read by your manager first, and then by his manager, and then by her manager etc.. until you reach the top of the pyramid where the board of directors will read it. And if the directors don’t like the report, the information (or their wrath!) will be passed down the same line. This way of passing information is true for a lot of the organisations out there. Think of religion, politics, military, school, even your run of the mill tai ji class! The senior students will get more “secrets” passed down to them than the more junior ones. The common excuse? The person is not ready yet, i.e. you haven’t proven yourself to be worthy of more information.

What’s so bad about thinking in 2D? Everyone does it! The system works. It has been working for a very long time. It provides us with a structure to make sure everything is running in an orderly manner. The industrial age of specialisation, courtesy of Henry Ford has given us a production system that works linearly. Every part of the production line in the car assembly system depends on the previous part, i.e. you make the shell first before putting on doors and tyres. This mode of thinking is pervasive enough to be the structure of organising humans. But why do I feel something is not right? Something in my mind is gnawing this idea away. Something in my mind is resisting it, and not just resisting. Something in me is fighting it, looking to break free. To break free from what? Isn’t this what we are supposed to do? To think linearly?

I have come to realise that this is what we have been trained to do from young. But this is not actually how our mind works. It takes real effort to be able to think through logically from A to B to C. You’re forcing yourself into a mode of thinking that computers use. Sooner or later, computers will be doing that thinking for you and your mode of thinking will become obsolete! You were trained to think how a machine would think, but you are not given the opportunity to allow your own mode of thinking to flourish!

Our sub-conscious mind can assimilate a lot more information than our consicous mind can. We can recognise someone instantly without going through the following mode of thought:

• distance between eyes is 2 cm
• highest point of nose is 2 cm
• colour of eyes is brown
• colour of hair is red
• length of hair is 30cm on average
• ratio of distance between nose and forehead, and noes and chin is 1:1
• etc…

Instead, if we met someone we’ve seen before, we’ll just say “hey, I like your new hairstyle!” or “nice make up you’ve got on. it suits you.” Can you possibly imagine the amount of information required to actually make those statements? You have to know what the previous haircut was. You have to know the length and shape of the previous haircut. You have to know how long haven’t you seen that person. You have to take into account the change in hairstyle to recognise the face. You have to know what age can do to a person to still recognise the face. We tap into the large reserve of our sub-conscious mind to make a seemingly trivial statement. And yet we hardly use them in our consicious decisions?

So I urge you as much as I urge myself, to let go of linear thinking, even some of the times. Just let your sub-conscious do the job. Some people call it gut-feeling. Others call it intuition. Whatever you call it, you know it when you use it. See if it changes the way you do things. Something on your top priority list may not be that urgent after all, your sub-conscious mind knows it, but you’ll need to let it tell you. Allow it to surface once in a while. Let it come out to play a little. You might be surprised with the answers it can bring you. You can even try it now, as this article suggest, as there’s no better time than now.

So, what are you waiting for? Why think outside the box when there isn’t even a box!

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Another morning of tai ji. Not that I’ve been doing rather religiously… Motivation low these days. And I can’t blame it on the weather in Singapore as I normally do in Scotland. I could always blame it on mosquitoes…

I’ve been doing tai ji at the top level of a multi-storey carpark. It’s quite quiet and with trees surrounding the carpark, it’s quite a nice environment. After a few standing postures, I proceed to a small part of the form, focusing on the transitions. It’s quite taxing and the mind just wanders and gets tired. Nothing to do with the body can’t take it though, coz I could still walk home.

On my way back, suddenly everything sounds very clear. I could hear the crisp sound of my footsteps. I could hear the woman talking to herself (or mobile phone!) far away. I could hear the sound made by the tires of the bicycle with the pavement. All the voices are clearer than normal. What’s going on here? Has anyone got this sensation after practice?

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Just finished reading a book called Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success. There’s a short snippet of a social intelligence profiling, i.e. testing my social intelligence, and I found out I’m a loner. Rewind back to yesterday, I was trying to put a line just below the title in my blog http://shanglee.com. After fumbling about with the code, I just couldn’t find where to place it. Eventually I decided to ask for help from RichardHong.com. He uses the same theme, although modified. After I fired off the email, I went back into the code again and voila! found it instantly. I came to the same conclusion. I’m a loner.

I like to solve problems on my own. Asking for help somehow makes me feel that I’m escaping from the problem and not confronting it. If I choose to escape (so goes the reasoning in my head), I feel I will lose the opportunity to learn from the problem. And yet, after letting go of the problem, the solution suddenly seems so obvious.

So thanks to RichardHong.com, not because he answered my question (which he did!), but because I am now more willing to ask questions. If I do ask you too many questions, just remind yourself that I was never like this, and you should give me time to adjust. If that doesn’t help, you can still remind me to let go, and that the solution will present itself to me. If you still find me annoying, you can always ignore me. Then I will feel bad about myself and lay a guilt trip on you, which you will respond eventually. Just kidding… why will I feel bad about myself? I will only make you feel guilty, that’s all!

Now, my next list of problems… categories and tagging. I somehow can’t get my head round for a working model for them. Categories seem good to look for big topics easily, but tagging is just so much more “fun” and less restrictive. Any ideas on how to combine the two?

A special mention to wuijimon and moongster for their advice on getting me my own hosted site. Btw, wuijimon’s now got his own hosted blog! Oh, speaking of new blogs, i’ve also just found out that a chinese blog has topped the technorati list! Check out his blog if you know Chinese.

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I like.

I like how the film tackles the various conflicts that humans (and mutants) can have. The conflicts, in no rank or order:

1. internal conflict between government and itself regarding mutant policies
2. internal conflict of a man who fathers a mutant child, and of the child who has a human as father
3. the conflicting views of a mutant cure – is being a mutant a disease?
4. the conflict in mutants who cannot accept who they are – they want the “cure”
5. the conflict of who is in control – does your power control you or do you control the power?
6. how Magneto recognises and respects Charles Xavier, even though they’re fighting each other

It does draw plenty of parallels into our own life, depicted with a big budget, Hollywood style film. Can you see the parallels in your life?

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I attended a funeral today. Not someone I know of personally, but I attended the whole proceeding anyway. The whole morning was spent listening to really loud music. If you’ve seen lion dance during Chinese New Year, it’s louder than that.

I was struggling to stay awake despite the loud music. The man in costume was rattling off verse after verse of incomprehensible sentences, well, to me they were greek anyway, although even greek i can understand some alphabets from my mathematics days. I doubt a lot of people understood, or were listening to the man speak. He’s got a microphone attached, which together with the music, made quite a loud ensemble. It all looked very routine to him and his team, but the family of the deceased thinks otherwise. I guess the routine helped the family go through the day without emotions seizing them up.

Noon time came, and it was time for the body to finally make its way to the crematorium, as requested before she died. We, together with the coffin, walked around the housing estate as part of a farewell journey. After 2km or so, the coffin was then transported to a crematorium which was about 20 minutes away. There was a specially hired bus to ferry the rest of us.

The crematorium is a very modern place, not what I expect but then again, I haven’t been to one before. The building is clinically clean, and is very well sign-posted – viewing hall turn right, waiting hall turn left. It made the whole business of death so very precise and professional, just like another commercial venture. Judging from the look and the size of the building, I would guess that it’s quite a profitable business. I guess too much emotions are involved when the living are forced to decide on the financial matters to best send away the dead.

We were quickly ushered into a hall quite similar to a church with chairs on each side of the hall. The coffin is at the end of the hall, already put in place in a machine which will eventually be remote controlled and pushed into the burning place. The man in custome said a few final words, and then we were hurried into the viewing hall. I think all the hurrying is to make way for the next appointment, which was clearly shown on an electronic billboard at the entrance before we entered the building. It is a very well organised and well managed business.

And so we hurried into the viewing hall, with the immediate family standing closest to the glass window. The rest of us slotted into the remaining stands behind them. A couple of minutes later, as everyone is settled down, the coffin began to make its way across the hall into the fire. The viewing hall erupted with emotions. I can’t help but feel sad as well, with tears welling up as the mechanical pulley system coldly move the coffin into its final destination.

The doors to the fire room did not open until the coffin is near it, and when it finally did, the doors opened and the flames could be clearly seen from the outside. The roar in the viewing hall increased, crying out for the dead. Seeing the coffin being burnt gave a very painful feeling as well, as though my heart was being burnt together with the flames. And that was me speaking. Imagine what it felt like for the ones closed to her. The door didn’t remain open for very long, only a few seconds, which is probably a good thing. The door remained open long enough for the whole of the coffin to enter. As those doors were shut, we were promptly shown our door as well, to exit the building.

“If you come at 10am, you will be able to collect the ashes by 4pm. Since you’re here at noon, you can only collect it by tommorrow.”

That was the last instruction given by the management. We made our way out. I went to watch X-men 3. Life goes on…

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I always find it difficult to judge how much to talk about tai ji with non-tai ji folk or tai ji beginners. It’s ok if someone comes up to you and ask a specific question, like what comes after this step. The more difficult ones i’ve encountered are… can tai chi kill? Even the mere mention that tai ji is a martial art is sufficient to deter most people from doing tai ji! So what do you do? Depending on who you meet, will you actively try to bring tai ji into the conversation? Or will you withhold unless someone raised it first?

Push hands offers a very helpful solution. Let’s look at some of the common rules for push hands.

1. Only move when the opponent moves. And if the opponent doesn’t move? You may choose to tempt the person into thinking that you’re in a disadvantage position so that the opponent does move. This tests how much your opponent wants to move.
2. Only push as far as you can manage without losing your balance
3. Only push as far as what the opponent can reasonably take. He or she is your training partner after all!
4. Always keep your core balanced.

Now, can we translate this to how we tell others about tai ji? Let’s see…

1. Only tell when someone asks. If no one ask, you may choose to tempt the person into asking. This also tests how much that person wants to know.
2. Only talk about what you know, without losing your head!
3. Only talk as far as what the person wants to know. You’re engaging in a conversation after all!
4. Always keep your core balanced, i.e. remember what’s important to you in the conversation.

This works when you’re telling others about something you feel passionate about as well. Common culprits are those who talk about politics and religion. They just don’t know when to stop. Maybe we should introduce tai ji as part of political science or religious studies. So, another reason to learn tai ji, the different theories packaged into tai ji is useful in real life!

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If you have ever tried using chopsticks, you will find that it takes a bit of practice to pick up that piece of cauliflower. More practice to pick up the peas, and you’ll probably graduate as a master if you can manage to pick up tofu! So why invent such a difficult tool to master when all you want is put food into your mouth? For something hard, a fork will do nicely and for something soft or liquid, a spoon will do nicely, without going through a university course in chopsticks or worse, the frustration of using chopsticks when you’re very hungry! So why use chopsticks at all?For me, it is by nurture. I was born into a family who uses chopsticks, so chopsticks have become my “mother tool”, just as Mandarin is my mother tongue. Having used it all my life, you don’t notice it anymore until you find others having difficulty eating with chopsticks. Only then you realised that using chopsticks is quite difficult. Even those seasoned chopsticks users have difficulty doing it the “correct” way where the chopsticks do not cross each other. So what’s so special about chopsticks? Why are we still using them today? Using them must serve some purpose. A purposeless tool will become extinct sooner or later. So chopsticks must have some hidden treasures. Could they teach us something else other than picking up food?

Lesson 1: Chopsticks come in pairs

A significant and yet understated fact. It reminds us of working together, of the communal spirit, and of how no man is an island. How many examples can you think of that requires a pair to function? Eyes to see from, ears to hear from, legs to walk on, clapping your hands, fork and knife, a marriage, a badminton match etc… it varies far and wide and the list is endless. The most often quoted area for improvement in a corporate environment is communication breakdown. It takes 2 for communication to work, obvious I know. They probably haven’t understood the wisdom of chopsticks!

Lesson 2: Co-operate

When compared to a fork, chopsticks do not pierce, they clamp. Although Japanese chopsticks do have pointed ends on their chopsticks, allowing them to pierce the food, Chinese chopsticks are normally blunt at the end. More on this later. But we’ll focus on Chinese chopsticks now, as I have been using them all these while.

The requirement of not piercing is actually quite a noble one. You are taught to work with your food. Not pierce through it. You are taught to co-operate with your food, and not destroy it. You do break it down eventually when it reaches your mouth, but that’s the purpose of food – to be eaten. Lifting it from dish to mouth is a different process. This process has evolved throughout the human history – from the ancient man who bites off the flesh straight from the dead bird, to the modern man who cooks everything and eat them in small chunks, possibly using chopsticks. The advancement from ancient to modern is only possible once you understand the food and its source – i.e by working together with them. You have to understand animals to be able to capture them for the ancient man or breed them sustainably for the modern man. You have to understand the plants before you can eat them, or find a sustainable way of growing them. You can’t understand something if you continually destroy them. They’ll become extinct and then there’s no way to understand them again.

Let me repeat – advancement is only possible by working together, by co-operating. Often this message is lost to our society where the “one” is highly regarded and highly rewarded but the “many” is ignored. By doing so, we are ignoring the wisdom of the many in favour of the one. So much so that we allow the one to become the dictator of the many, doing as he/she pleases.

As we as a human race advance, there is more and more reason to reinforce the collaborative spirit. The information we have now outweighs any one human to be able to fully assimilate those information and improve on them. It takes 2 (see lesson 1) or at least 2. It takes a co-operative spirit.

As a side note, I do wonder if the wisdom of chopsticks were used by Zheng He and his fleet in the book 1421: The Year China discoverd the world where they did not conquer those lands they discover, unlike all the conquerers after that, whom i hazard a guess, used forks? Or even Japan in world war 2 who used pointed chopsticks, tried to conquer the whole of Asia?

Lesson 3: Be sensitive

When clamping your food, you can’t clamp it too tight or it’ll break your food. You can’t under-clamp it either, as that won’t provide the necessary grip required to transport the food into your mouth. So you have to “listen” to your food and work together with it. You’ll have to know if your food is brittle like fish, soft like tofu, hard like a chicken wing, or bouncy like a fishball. All the different kinds of food will require different types of grip.

Similarly in life, you have to adapt to the situation, the environment, the people. No one technique works everytime, everywhere and for everyone. Each circumstances is unique. Be sensitive.

Lesson 4: Respect

Using a pair of chopsticks sounds complicated, but millions of people have been doing this, so the rule must be a simple one – to respect your food. By respecting your food, you think about how it takes effort to bring food to the table. How thankful to even have food on the table. How it affects the environment. How we should treat the environment to continue to bring food to the table. How we shouldn’t waste them. How it takes effort to finish eating using chopsticks. Like using a toothbrush to scrub the floor. And speaking of using a small tool to accomplish a big task, it lends itself to the next lesson…

Lesson 5: Patience

Speaks for itself.

So there you have it. The 5 lessons from the humble chopsticks. Can you think of anymore? And for the tai ji readers, can you see the parellels of chopsticks in your training?

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I’m surprised i’m actually posting this as I have never been associated to having any fashion sense! in this rare occasion, my wife will totally back me up on this point. But since i’ve recently purchased two identical track bottoms, I think i shall venture down the road of humiliation by attempting to convince you what kind of gear do you require to get you started in tai ji.

First, if you’ve never done tai ji before, forget about getting any gear! Just dress depending on the environment and weather (if outdoors). For outdoor classes, dress as you would dress going out for a walk. The most important thing is to just go join a class, wearing anything you feel comfortable in. There are no special shoes required. You can go in a simple sports shoes, or if you haven’t got one, go in any shoes you have. If you find your shoes restrict you, just go bare-footed. You can go in your jeans if that’s comfortable to you. You can go in your shorts if you prefer.

The key is, do not invest in any gear until you actually find yourself liking tai ji!

It sounds kind’a strange me not promoting tai ji, but I believe there’s something equivalent to tai ji for everyone. Tai ji works for me, for now. It complements what I want to achieve in life at this period of my life. There are plenty of examples what “does it” for other people, like jogging or swimming in the morning, poetry, bible etc. It’s the counterweight for all the “hard” things that we do everyday.

So, you have decided you like tai ji. What next? The most important will be shoes… flexible, flat sole shoes are the best. Canvas type shoes are normally good value for money, but might be cold during winter times (if you practice outdoors!). If you can afford soft leather shoes, go for it. But remember, you’ll need to really balance it with the amount of practice you’re doing. No point buying a pair of expensive shoes when all you do with it is to slip it on only when you’re going to class!

And why did I buy track bottoms? After coming back to Malaysia, the weather here does not permit me to wear my fleece track bottoms, the ones i use to wear in Scotland! So i’ve opted for shorts. They are good in this climate, but is restrictive in terms of movements. The shorts i’m wearing are not very short shorts (those you see marathon runners wear), but just common beach wear type shorts. They restrict movements when I’m trying to do a slightly wider stance, or going from a wider stance to a smaller stance. So every time i move through the form, i add extra movements into the form like pulling up my shorts…. Also, there are plenty of mosquitoes here in the mornings and evenings. I could have some of the star constellations mapped out on my legs! I wonder why i didn’t buy the track bottoms earlier…

So when choosing a track bottom, make sure the thickness and material is suited for your climate. Also, try it on to see if it’s truly stretchable. Check that you can actually stretch your legs without adjusting the trackies.

Now, towards the luxurious end, you can get yourself the full works of silk material. They are expensive. And the quality varies as well. If you’re not a silk person, you won’t know how to differentiate good silk from bad. So, buy from someone you can trust, and get advice from them.

The incentive to get really good attire is that you might perform better and practise harder. I’ve seen people who got them and actually put in that much more effort to make the silk costume look good! or i should say to make them look better in the silk costume, but it’s difficult to tell who they’re working for, the costume or themselves.

There’s nothing wrong with that and if that works as a motivational factor for you, please do so! From experience in other sports, I know they are just temporary and won’t last long. The novelty of fashionable stuff wears off pretty quickly. I haven’t and still don’t own a silk costume. Of course, economics may play an important role. Getting fashionable stuff is expensive hobby! That’s why it’s a very lucrative business in itself.

So just focus on tai ji. The improvements you make while practising tai ji is more rewarding qualitatively. You can always decide later to get the top-notch stuff when you feel you’ve finally mastered something. I find that the more I know, the more I find myself in the “I don’t know” camp. So i’m still putting off buying a silk costume.

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I’ve got RM50 in the post yesterday.. woo hoo!! Ok, it’s the only financial award i’ve received so far from an article. It’s a start. The post was on Losing my identity. No wonder the article generated some comments. Check them out at The Star! So do you have any suggestions on which article I should post in? Please let me know the ones that truly speak to you. And if you have any idea of a tag line i should put for this website, please let me know as well!

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This is a rant (just so you know). My internet connection in Malaysia is not working. The modem seems to be out. A technician was suppose to come round. He arrived on Monday without letting anyone know. Naturally, Murphy’s law dictates that no one was at home to “welcome” him and he left a note saying he was there. Does he expect me to be there 24/7 to wait for him?!!

He left a direct number which I’ve called several times, nobody answer. Called the customer service centre, and they tried to call him as well. No answer. Told me they’ll assign another technician. I asked them when can I expect him/her? They say dunno.

“Just give me a timeframe”

“Sorry, i don’t really know”

“Is it going to be days? Weeks? Months?”

“er… just wait for the technician’s call” and for the killer statement… “can i help you with something else?”

I was like, you can’t even help me with this and you want to help me with something else?!! No !@#$%ing way!! just go !@#$ yourself.. which translated through the phone as “no thanks.” and we hung up.

that was since monday. today, i went to a branch they set up near by, and see if I have better luck there. the branch only deal with sales, not servicing. fine. then there’s this big poster saying the services they provide. since i’m looking for a web hoster, i thought i ask what’s their going rate. i don’t actually want them as a hoster given their track record, but i thought i find out the price anyway.

“sorry, we don’t do hosting” and what’s the big !@#$ing sign behind there for?!!

tm.net or streamyx, if you see this, shame on you! to be fair, the people i spoke to were quite friendly.

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