The Journey Within

Wujimon wrote an interesting post on how tai chi is taught through the transmission of touch. The lessons learnt from these corrections normally far outweigh any other class room exposure I’ve had. I especially remember the “don’t look down” criteria. I have a tendency to look down to check the posture alignment but was always told to “feel” the posture alignment rather than judging it with my own eyes.

So one night, during a standing posture training, the spine suddenly just lengthens and there was this rush of heat, what wujimon refers to as “the burn”. And then I understood what correct alignment feels like. However, since that experience, I’ve been trying to reproduce that feeling. It’s difficult. I haven’t been able to reproduce it as intensely as the first time. And then I find myself frustrated over not being able to do it. The training boils down to “searching for the feeling”.

I spend more time searching for the feeling and forgot that I must just allow the feeling to manifest itself. Self-correct based on feeling does have this disadvantage. So, what did I do? I stopped doing tai ji for a while, and went back to it when I “forgot” about the feeling.

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Reading through what I’ve written before, a lot of the articles focus on the self. Why the self is important in self-help. Why we should focus on our choices and don’t just play catch up. Why we should start with ourselves in sports or when we just want to eat healthily. Are all these articles pointing towards a very self-centered me? Am I just a very selfish person? Do I really believe that by focusing on improving myself is all that matters?

Continue reading »

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Another bout of sickness. It’s just a short trip to Malaysia but the whole trip was spent indoors because I didn’t have much strength to go outdoors. With the body feeling weak, I just want to sleep all day, which gave me a headache that I can’t shake off, which makes me want to sleep again… aah… the all so familiar vicious cycle.

Today is a good day. I finally woke up feeling energised. Probably more energised than before I was ill. Whenever I feel this way, I think the illness was meant to wake up me up from some dreamy-lethargic state I am in. I don’t feel that way when I’m actually sick because then, you’re just trying to fight the sickness. But after that, I feel refreshed. So refreshed that I thought I can start to make some improvements to my normal days as suggested by Steve.

I started off with his first suggestion, to get an early start to the day. So I set my alarm to go off at 5.30am. I figured it has to be something drastic to actually make any dent to this goal. I woke up at 7.30am, officially got out of bed at 8am. I didn’t even hear my watch alarm. I think I need to change the alarm clock. ;P

Another one of his suggestion was to read habitually. So, I did the morning thing of washing my face and brushing my teeth, had some breakfast, and continued reading on the investment book. It’s taking me a while to read through this book not because it’s long, each chapter is on average 5 pages long! There’s only 20 odd chapters. But having read each chapter, I normally have to close the book to reflect what has been written, what I have understood, how has it applied to my own experience – basically to internalise what I have read. It’s a tiring process but the book just demands it. It relates so much more to the investment philosophy.

Next up, exercise! I’m going for a run. Lunch. Table tennis. and probably more reading.

All these activities immediately after I recover from being sick. It’s like someone pricked the lethargic balloon and all the gas escaped all at once. So, is this what sickness is suppose to do? To be a prick? (I just can’t resist to use that question in this context…

I believe there’s a 2-part answer to this question.

One, it’s suppose to remind me that I’m fallible. I make mistakes. I’m human. It’s part of the human condition. The body is trying to correct an error. Hence it shuts down some parts and make other parts work overtime.

Secondly, to adapt what Kennedy quoted, “ask not what the sickness can do for you, ask what you can do for the sickness”. It’s actually how we react to the sickness that’s important to any sickness. Let’s face it, everyone falls sick some time or another. The degree of illness varies. Some gets it more severe than others. It reminds us of the unfairness of life. If we surrender to this fact (that life is unfair), then, only then can we start to take positive action – be it something so common as sickness to the more challenging areas of life – career, wealth, family, relationship.

So, have you been sick lately? Try to be more aware of your feelings towards it. Maybe you can learn something amidst all the pain and suffering. Plus, it’s something to take the mind away from the pain and suffering!

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I have been wanting to try out one of those new(ish) hair saloons where all they offer is a simple haircut and nothing else. You buy a ticket, you sit in, you get your hair cut, and you get vacuumed (yes, vacuumed, as in sucked!), and you leave. I first read about this in Blue Ocean Strategy where one such hair saloon (QB House) was featured because it tapped into an uncontested market – no frills haircut. I finally took the chance to try one out.

I went to one called Okinawa (in Singapore). As with all successful business ideas, Okinawa is probably a copycat company of QB House (it could be the other way round! so don’t quote me on that). There is only one price since there is only one service – the haircut.

The cost of the haircut – $10. No more no less.

The ATM-like box just at the entrance only accepts cash, and only in $10 notes. So I took out my $10 bill and stick it into the machine. Out pops a card. It’s a recyclable card. I collected the card and went into the saloon to sit down. A cash-only system. What a great business model. And there’s no more need for a cashier, no need for maintaining accounts, no need for checking and rechecking the cash register. Powerful stuff.

Waiting time – 5 minutes.

I gave my card to the hairdresser, told her how I want it to be cut and there she goes. While sitting in front of the mirror, the woman beside me opened up her mirror to collect her handbag! What an ingenious idea. And that’s not all, every single piece of tool has it’s place in the cupboard. The comb, the gel, the vacuum, the clipper, the water spray etc… And for the hygiene conscious, there’s a small microwave-like box where the scissors and combs are kept under what seems like UV light. I’m not sure how much that contributes to hygiene though…

Time from start of cut to finish – 15 minutes.

And that includes the AirWash system sucking the cuts nestled inside my new found hair style. I checked my face, my neck, and my shirt, not much residual hair bits. Final test – washing at home. Again not much hair bits fell out. If I were to put a number on it, I would say there is 80% less hair bits coming out of the wash compared to my normal haircut. That is quite a significant reduction! Vacuuming rather than blow drying does make a difference!

All in all, it’s a really good idea both in a business sense and in the value it is providing. It does no fancy stuff like colouring, perming, rebonding (that’s a new word for me by the way) etc. All it does is focus on the basic – the haircut. In focusing on the basic, all other things required to give you your haircut is cut down to a minimum, no fuss style. Paying for your haircut is a matter of sticking in a $10 bill. The hairdresser won’t need to even worry about manning the cash register, thus focusing her efforts on haircut. All tools are properly laid out and put back in their respective place. Again, the focus is on haircut, not to find where Clipper No. 3 is. I especially like the storage behind mirror. No more worrying about your coat or your handbag on the seat behind you. The AirWash vacuum system reduces amount of hair on your head and on the floor. Shortening the cleaning time.

See how focusing on the basics gives us, the consumers, great benefit? By doing the basics very well, consumers benefit, and if consumer benefits, the business benefits. So if you’re planning on doing business, get the basics right. A great counter example would be my experience at a Japanese restaurant.

In summary, let the basics be your guide, both in business, and in life! It’s like focusing on your normal days as oppose to your “special days”. Let’s make our everyday activities fruitful and productive instead of focusing on the next salary increase, the coming bonus, the next rung in the corporate ladder, graduation day, wedding day etc. After all, normal days dominate most of your life compared to special days!

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I would like to share with you a recent revelation that I hope it will help you too. In my various sports activities, I am always told to relax my wrist, relax my grip, relax my footing etc. The not so annoying comments come from table tennis and badminton where relaxing the wrist and relaxing the grip is normally the order of the day. In the world of Tai Ji, the word-count for “relax” is probably highest of any activities I know of! The teacher will say “relax your shoulders, relax your elbow, relax your arm, relax you neck, relax your back, relax your waist, relax your kua…” the list just goes on irritably.

Digressing into the book i’m still reading, The Winning Investment Habits of Warren Buffett & George Soros, the first chapter is devoted to the power of mental habits. And the very first element needed to sustain a mental habit? – a belief that drives your behaviour. The book says that the Master Investor has a strong belief that he/she DESERVES to make money. Without that belief, or if other thoughts are limiting that belief, such as thinking that nobody deserves to make THAT much money, you will then not have the mental habit strong enough to actually make that much money. It’s sort of a self-prophesizing attitude.

This initially sounds a lot like having the “i can do it” attitude, sort of psyching yourself up so that you can achieve your greatest potential before the big match. I believe the mental habit method above goes deeper than that. Chanting the “i can do it” mantra can only give you results momentarily. This method actually asks you to change your mindset, to change your belief system.

Having a belief system helps us make decisions in our everyday life activities. If I want to be healthy, I know I need to have a balanced diet and a balanced exercise regime. This will then dictate what I buy in the supermarket, what I have for dinner, how much should I eat for each meal etc.

If you’re like me, I have a lot of self-limiting beliefs. I want to be healthy, and yet I still like to eat – I can always watch my diet tommorrow. Everytime I psyche myself up to lose that tai ji ball i have gathered around the waist, I can do it for 1 week, maybe 2, and then it’s back to square one. Consciously, I know I want to lose weight and in order to lose weight, I know I need to eat healthily and exercise. So i set myself some targets of say, running in the evening for 30 minutes, or have fixed meals per day. Often, they will work for 1 week, 2 weeks at most, and then I’m not meeting the targets any longer. Unconsciously, I don’t think I actually believe that I will lose that belly. That’s why I set myself unrealistic targets, or realistic short term targets. These targets are not meant for the long haul flight that is weight loss. Losing weight is easy, maintaining it that way is difficult.

What i’m actually missing is that I have unknowingly limited my belief to lose weight. I know my belief is to lose weight, yet I limit that belief by unknowingly telling myself that I can’t lose weight. I set myself targets but because of the limit I impose on myself, the targets that I set will never be met. What I don’t realise is that I first have to take away that self-limit, i.e. to actually believe losing weight is possible, and let that possibility flourish. Then the so called “targets” will take care of itself.

Coming back to the initial topic of relaxing your body parts, what I’m proposing to you is this – relax your mind! And your body parts will just take care of itself. Relax your mind into thinking that you are actually able to relax your wrist, elbow etc. You are actually allowing yourself to entertain the possibility of a relaxed body. It’s not something that will create miracles, but it’s the seed required to achieve a relaxed body. You have to believe in miracles for miracles to happen. If you don’t, even if miracles happen right under your nose, you won’t be able to recognise it. Just as the Master Investor believes he deserves to make money. If you don’t, even if money opportunity knocks on your door, you won’t be able to seize it.

So, have you relaxed your mind lately?

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Another night of table tennis. I always dread going to it every Tuesday night because I think I will be side-lined again. The players there are good – so good that I think they don’t really want to play with me! It’s very much a “child-in-school-who-no-one-wants-to-play-with” syndrome. Of course, I still go. I like going. I think this is the only place I can improve. To play with people much better than me.

Today turned out to be quite different from the other nights. A guy just walked over and told me “let’s do some drills”. And so we went. The forehand, the backhand. Nothing new there, still as inconsistent as ever. Then we started on some chopping drills (slicing the ping pong ball in mid-air). Now this turned out to be quite interesting as I have never done it before, not in a drill fashion. Forehand slice, backhand slice. Because the movements are small, and the ball is slower, it actually increased my focus. I was able to learn to get the rhythm and the feel of the ball. Further on into the drill, I could actually judge how much, or rather how little effort i required to control the slice. “Just relax and slowly tap it over” he said.

Later on, we went back to the forehand drives. Amazingly, my consistency improved dramatically! I was able to control the ball over 20 rounds and still kept the ball in play! I was so surprised that I felt elated throughout the night!

Then, I began to watch other players play. I began to understand how they could execute the shots they are executing. It was a wonderful night.

While walking home, I begin to mull over what happened in the drills. Why did the chops improved my game? The answer came quite unexpectedly from my tai ji training. I felt that the repetition is actually quite meditative, as is the practice of tai ji. It increased my focus and at the same time, kept the mind calm. The slowness of slicing also encouraged the mind to focus on the nuances of each stroke – again, that’s why tai ji is done in a slow manner. And after the drills, it just lifted my whole ball game – the execution improved becaused I was trained in a slow manner, which I believe tai ji would do to, although my level is not there yet!

Maybe I’m just biased towards tai ji. But it has helped me conquered a lot of my inner demons in various aspects of my life. Has it been true to you too?

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Not exactly Friday the 13th, but it is one week after the omen on 6|6|06. I signed away my soul to an insurance company. Now to lead a life of misery and torture… Ok ok.. it’s not that bad. It just feels relatively worse from the free days I’m having now. Although I probably need to thank the stars for gaining employment! Hurray! And speaking of employment… the model agency called me for an interview today… it was “interesting” to say the least…

It was a small corner lot in an old building. I walked past it the first time not noticing it was there! When I walked in, there was another girl sitting down filling up a form. She was on the phone, so I couldn’t see her face. I walked up to the reception, and just told them that I’m here for an interview. They gave me a form to fill in as well. So I just sat beside the girl. There was probably only room for another person to sit down!

Now, the form has the normal things like name, address, contact etc. There was a bigger space for a photo than what you normally get from a passport application. You can put a 4″ x 6″ photo there! And below the photo were some measurements required. Height and weight – ok, i’ve seen this in medical forms. Shoe size – now, that’s new. Chest size, waist size, hip size – hmm… apart from waist size, i don’t actually know the others! Maybe it’s more important for females. I was tempted to peak at what the girl beside me filled in… (I didn’t have the guts!!)

Turning over the form, there’s more to fill in. Have you been in any activities below e.g. roadshow, advertisement, events, posters etc. (no, no, no, no, no….) Next, what talent do you have, tick where appropriate – singing, dancing, catwalk, drama, acting, hosting etc… I ticked the “other” box and put in “martial arts”. I have to at least put in something right?

And finally, what kind of jobs are you most likely to accept. Er.. i ticked commercials and advertisements. There were catwalk (me catwalking?!!), hosting, roadshow etc. Ok, sign on the dotted line.

After passing the form back to reception, which was just a step away, i sat down, not knowing what to expect. And then a tall hunky guy walked past with a goatie who could have passed off as Hugh Jackman! Ok, maybe just the goatie can pass as Hugh’s, but he was tall and has strong jawlines – a manly man. I suddenly shriveled into non-existence. Just when I’m doubting why exactly am I here, I was called in for the interview.

“So” she said, going through my application form, “you are a Malaysian?”

“yes”… and then we went on for some small talk.

“So, have u taken any photos like this before?” directing my attention to a wall of advertisements and some poser shots.

“er.. only once, when I got married.”

“ookaaaaay…” and then she starts explaining what they do and think i have the looks for older people.

Mental note: late 20s is OLD for modelling.

I can’t just not ask her the question. “Why did you you choose me in the first place?”

and she said… “you mean you haven’t been asked before?”

“No…” shuffling around uneasily… “although i did have a very geeky pair of glasses for most part of my life! until I considered laser surgery…” and the conversation took into a different direction – on the hows and the whys of the eye laser surgery. she did answer my question eventually.

“we do need people in your age group as well. it depends on the client.”

“ok…”

“u know, this is a modelling job after all. is your wife ok with shots like this?” showing me some marriage shots with another woman.

“er.. i’m sure she’s not”

“just bring her along to the set. we employ a lot of students, and we usually encourage their parents to come along as well.”

and finally, she said “ok, we will need to make a portfolio of photos of you so that we can send them off to our clients. We’ll subsidise most of the fees, but you will still have to pay something, $388 to be exact.”

Aha! Finally, the catch! “I’ll discuss it with my wife”

“Why? you mean you wouldn’t do it if your wife says no?”

“yes” although, probably it’s more of me saying no, but using wife as excuse! i don’t need to let her know that…

“ok.. but it’ll be such a waste!”

“sorry, i can’t make this decision now. don’t worry, i’ll let u know very soon.”

And so it ends. As I was walking out of the agency, everyone was checking me out! hey, it’s the modelling industry, looks is everything! And I chuckled after realising that we are checking each other out!

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Chessman wrote a very interesting article on personal transmission in Tai Ji. I’ve always suspected that some things are better, or sometimes only, taught personally rather than in a group setting. I’ve heard stories of how other teachers learn and the better ones are those who just practise with their teachers on a daily basis. However, there’s a constant internal struggle on whether I should go down this route. The hotly debated points boil down to the following:

1. Am I the worthy student?

I guess this is on top of the list – always doubting myself whether I can actually go to a higher level. I enjoy learning all aspects of Tai Ji. But could I actually be that worthy student? Am I talented enough to go to the higher level? I can’t kid myself on this as some talent is required. Could I actually be that person?

2. Is he/she a worthy teacher?

A more difficult question to answer, as you’ll never find out until some time down the line when you begin find more questions than can be answered by the teacher.

3. Can I afford the fees?

This could be at the top as well because, if it’s free, I would have tried it out for a few sessions to see if I’m getting the real deal! Never mind if I’m the worthy student or if the teacher is good. Plus, like wujimon, I’ve got a soft spot for martial arts. If it’s quality training, I am quite willing to pay. However, I am accountable to more than myself now.

4. Can I afford the time?

I have all the time in the world now and yet I can’t justify to myself to spend on a private tutor. When I rejoin the rat race, I have a feeling that time will be a luxury. However, I can afford it then though.

So….

It’s difficult to find a balance between these factors. Or maybe I’m just missing something really obvious here, like what do I really want… or how badly do I want it?

Have you debated these in your head before? I think these criteria equally applies to anything that you have thought of learning, be it yoga, salsa, a new language, piano, how to draw, how to write etc. What thought process did you go through? Did it boil down to these 2 questions – what do you really really want & how badly do you want it?

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Thanks to Sum and Kea, I found out that my post on self-help was published in The Star in Malaysia! Another RM50 in the bag. See snapshot courtesy of Sum’s camera phone.

BUT, i’ve got a slight rant here… they’ve edited my article!! The post I submitted was like this, but they’ve chopped and changed it to become like this! I feel it has taken away the flavour of the article. Was going to post this in their blog, but it might get censored anyway. Maybe the RM50 is a sweetener.

p/s: even the title was changed!

pp/s: maybe if you leave some comments in their blog they might think otherwise? unless if you happen to agree with their censorship…

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I am reading The Winning Investment Habits of Warren Buffett & George Soros and one of the chapters deal with the 4 stages of learning – in this case, learning how to invest. The 4 stages are:

1. Unconscious incompetence
2. Conscious incompetence
3. Consicious competence
4. Unconscious competence

In other words, each of the above stage means that:

1. You don’t know that you don’t know
2. You know that you don’t know
3. You know what you know and know what you don’t know
4. You unconsciously know that you know

I’m surprised I found these gems in an investment book. In the context of Tai Ji, they fit quite well as well! I think i am in the 2nd stage, where I now realise I don’t actually know that much. What I find interesting is that stage 1 can easily be mistaken as stage 3, where you think you know what you already know, and know what you don’t know. I think a lot of people fall into this trap when doing tai ji, especially those who have been “at it” for a long time.

It’s difficult to admit that all your training has not even scratched the surface of what is tai ji. But without realising that you are in stage 1, you can’t actually move to stage 2, not to mention stage 3! Stage 1 is where confidence is highest, but skills is lowest – ignorance is bliss, until you find out that you don’t actually know anything!

So, are you brave enough to admit that you’re in stage 1?

Dreaming one day that i’ll be in stage 4…

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