Can self-help really help?
I had a long chat with a friend the other day. We were discussing why our circle of friends seem to be unhappy with their current career path. And why there is an explosion of self-help books in the market. Not just self-help books, but self-help seminars, home-working courses, how to earn your million in 30 days etc. If you frequent the self-help sections in a book store, or if flipping through the papers, you get caught by headlines such as “even you can be an entrepreneur”, or “how i made my millions on the internet”, or “i quit my day job, so can you”, you will know what i’m talking about. And because of the abundance in supply, seminars often offer the first teaser session totally free!
I wouldn’t like to admit to be a sucker for these things, but deep down, I think there is a part of me hoping that the solution might just be in the next book I read, or in the next seminar I attend, or in the next “big thing” I stumble upon. It’s like buying a lottery ticket religiously everyday, and hoping one day you will strike the jackpot. Sadly, the incessant search for the magic formula is draining away precious time – the time you use to queue up to buy the lottery ticket and key in the magic numbers could be better spent elsewhere doing more productive things. So why are we still doing it? Do these so called self-help materials actually work? Did it work for you? Or do you believe they are a scam?
There is no short of self-help materials out there now. The saturation in the market must mean that people are actually wanting these materials and actively seeking them out to buy them. By using their hard-earned money on these materials, they are actually placing a vote each time the buy. They vote that the material is useful to them, or at least meet their need.
But what is this need? Are they really trying to help themselves? Help themselves to achieve something they’ve always wanted but haven’t got the courage? Why are we even asking these questions? Would your parents have asked these same questions when they were young? Would your parents wish that they had access to these materials when they were young?
I think, they secretly do. Why else would they prize education above all things for their children? I think they secretly wished that someone could have guided them to avoid those dark alleys in their early life. And here I present the real problem. It is the very education that we have received which is crippling us today. The education we have received has taught and trained us to be very good at what we do. Beyond that, we are the helpless seeking for self-help.
We can’t change our past. The only education you can have in your younger years are the ones you have received. That much is certain. But, we can change how we use the education we have received. I think that is what the self-help materials are trying to do – to re-educate us. However, rather than expecting the self-helps to be the magic formula that you can follow word for word, try to treat it as a guide. You only need to heed its words, but since you are the one walking the path, you need to base it on your own education, on your own beliefs, the beliefs you have personally experienced in your own way and not someone else’s way.
I strongly believe that you are who you are today because you are meant to be who you are today. It wouldn’t happen any other way. This is not a surrender to Fate. But because of the conscious and unconscious choices you have made throughout your life, you have become who you are today.
So today, you choose to pick a self-help book. You read it. You understand it. You plan to do something about it. And yet it always doesn’t work. You might think you probably didn’t follow closely enough. Or you probably wasn’t patient enough. Strong enough. Discipline enough. Not good at time management etc… Just not that type of person. That, actually is the point. You are NOT that person in the self-help books. You are YOU! The books can only be a guide. You are still the master of yourself.
So choose YOU. Allow others to be your guide, but remember that yourSELF is the most important ingredient in SELF-help materials. The solutions suggested in self-help materials must be tailored to YOU, and the only tailor I know qualified to do that is… YOU. 
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Category: Guides to life | Tags: books, guides, thoughts, work 14 comments »
June 9th, 2006 at 2:09 am
It’s interesting to note that “self-help” obviously covers a lot of ground in categorization. I personally would not qualify financial “success” books as self-help, but given then generality of the term, it certainly falls under that. I think what is most important is what you noted, that each of us is the person responsible for our present and future situation, all things considered. But I do think and have experienced help from books, whether you or I call them self-help does not matter. What’s important is that we all have a very critical eye of what we consume with our mony, heart, and mind. For me, whenever I read something that promises me end-all answers, I walk the other way. But not all self-help books are like that and I think that when “self-help” is mentioned only the negative, fix-it-now-my-way-is-the-best-way books are considered, in fact those types and the term are considered synonymous, when in fact that is not accurate. In the end what is helpful is what an individual finds helpful for him or herself, not in some assertion by the author.
thanks for the link to your post:)
ryan
June 9th, 2006 at 2:10 am
oh…and nice picture:) funny. I had some poor soul, a student in a residence hall where I was the hall director, explain to me how this pyramid scheme was going to work for him….sigh.
June 9th, 2006 at 9:52 am
Thanks for the comment Ryan.
Found some resources on this subject. Quite interesting read, if you have the time! I only read parts of it. An article by Steve Pavlina and within it, a link to an interesting (but very long) analysis on Robert Kiyosaki by John Reed.
June 9th, 2006 at 10:08 am
thanks, Pavlina’s article is very good. Just took a quick glance, but he gives a very balanced view while exploring the real ugly side of self-help. thanks for the links:)
June 9th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
I am constantly reading/listening to self-help type of books, everthing from GTD (Getting Things Done) to Automatic Millionaire to every mindfulness. I find them very helpful. However, sometimes I wonder if I am “addicted” to self-help type of topics, always looking for ways to better myself… hmm
June 9th, 2006 at 10:48 pm
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June 11th, 2006 at 11:48 pm
Hear hear! I think there’s a lot of gems in the self-help section but also a lot of duds. I like your take on where if it doesn’t work, it’s not because you’re not good enough, but because there’s no one-size-fits-all miracle tool.
I think all forms of help ultimately lead to self-help, and while some people are already doing what the books say without needing them, some of us appreciate a leg up from time to time.
June 12th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
[...] Thanks to Sum and Kea, I found out that my post on self-help was published in The Star in Malaysia! Another RM50 in the bag. See snapshot courtesy of Sum’s camera phone. [...]
June 20th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
The Personal Development Carnival – June 20, 2006…
Welcome to the latest edition of the Personal Development Carnival!
I’m really blown away by the positive response I’ve gotten to this carnival. It’s getting huge! We’ve got 18 quality articles for you to read and use this wee…
June 25th, 2006 at 11:15 am
[...] Reading through what I’ve written before, a lot of the articles focus on the self. Why the self is important in self-help. Why we should focus on our choices and don’t just play catch up. Why we should start with ourselves in sports or when we just want to eat healthily. Are all these articles pointing towards a very self-centered me? Am I just a very selfish person? Do I really believe that by focusing on improving myself is all that matters? [...]
August 13th, 2006 at 6:20 am
Mr. Lee,
I know fully well what you described in your post about hoping that the answer will be in the next book, article, seminar, etc. I think the reason why people constantly feel that is because they have not taken personal responsibility yet. What I mean by that is realizing that everything up to the present moment is a direct result of themselves, more specifically their thoughts and those thoughts alone. Nothing else. Once that’s realized, you find that it’s all you. It’s up to you, not the book, article, seminar, but up to you.
Good post.
October 6th, 2006 at 2:47 am
Are you all morons? The self-help industry is the biggest scam going. I have spent well over $60,000 on seminars, books, audio and the like. What do I have to show for it? Just a negative outlook on life, a belief that everyone is an idiot, and the deep fear to take a stand on anything for more that a day. I am very, very codependent. I think I know it all, but constantly get right-sized by co-workers, friends, and even my family. Sure, I have some pretty odd ways of looking at life. That’s because I’m still young and haven’t experienced much. My view of the world is through the bottom of a Bud bottle at the bowling alley. Maybe when I grow up, life won’t look so bad. I may actually find that I can still be humble, kind, and willing to learn like when I was a kid. Before I started making a couple of hundred thousand dollars a year and driving imported sports cars. I’m a playboy, looking to impress and have a good time. Hey, at age 30, I have several decades before reality sets in. Party on, dudes! Have your people call my people and we’ll do lunch. Ciau babee
October 11th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Yes, Self Help is really going to help us a lot. In fact I have learned many things after going through the information given in the wonderful website Self Help Tactics.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Thank you for providing such a great information on Self Help.
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