The Journey Within

What you resist sticks to you.

I got this quote from a self-help book, and I thought it was talking about push hands! The book is by David Allen, from the Getting Things Done fame. His more recent book is Making it all work: winning at the game of work and the business of life.

When he mentioned about resistance, he meant resistance to action. It was in the context of work. For things that we resist to do, like taking out the trash, the thought of taking out the trash itself will haunt you. You might not be thinking about it consciously, but it will take up some real estate on your psychic land. And because you did not consciously note down this piece of resistance, it will haunt you like there’s no tomorrow. You will be thinking about the trash at the most inopportune time. When you’re eating, when you’re sleeping, when you’re brushing your teeth, when you’re out shopping and just remembered that the trash collector is coming round this afternoon…

Similarly in a push hands exercise. When I resist, my force is used against me. It’s being used to stick to me and followed through with a force that I cannot resist, because I resisted.

My teacher reiterated this to me again. I must let go.

Let me pass this message along to you as well. It is only when we let go that we can be honest with ourselves. And that’s the whole purpose of a journey within – to be honest with yourself. Resist yourself, you will become the enemy of yourself. Let yourself go, and you can be your own soul mate.

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Tai Chi has been known for a lot of things – old man’s exercise, good for health, “that group of weirdos who are waving their hands in the park”, the act of cutting a BIG watermelon, a martial art etc. I know it through a philosophical lens, and this is what attracted me to pick up Tai Chi in the first place.

Change is the only constant in the universe.

I’ve heard of this quote many times. And although I understand this intellectually, the quote doesn’t connect to me strongly on a day to day basis. It crops up when there are obvious changes in my life, e.g. quitting a job, moving from one country to another, joining toastmasters. However, subtle changes are happening every second of my life. I just fail to see them, or just choose to ignore them.

Changes like hair loss, increasing psychic clutter (information overloading), dusts, commitments… unless you keep track of every one of these changes, you are not likely to notice them. It has formed part of your daily negotiations with yourself. You just do it without realising you are doing it, e.g. buy milk, take out the trash, brush your teeth.

I’ve only ever consciously felt subtle changes by practising meditation and Tai Chi. For example, through Tai Chi, I can feel the changes going from one form to another. And I realised this recently, to master Tai Chi as a martial art, you have got to master the changes. It’s the transition from one form to another that gives you the opportunity to make a positive move in your favour.

This is the reason I like Tai Chi. It provides me a useful everyday platform that I can use to understand the world around me. It provides me with a useful tool for my journey within without journeying into realms I cannot understand. Change the world is too big a word to make sense on a personal level. Change my hand from here to there, I can understand better.

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I have been doing a lot of procrastination lately. This topic has been thrown about so many times that I don’t even want to write about it. Yet, I find myself wrting about it now, because I found a new angle about procrastination.

I joined the GTD-VSG (Getting things done virtual study group), and have been listening to the various podcasts they have there. One of the things that struck me was about procrastination. It’s not just a GTD phenomena. It’s something everyone understands. Everyone instinctively knows what procrastination means, even if the word is a long word with plenty of syllables.

What the VSG prompted was this:

everything you do is a procrastination.

Please read that again for good measure.

For example, I’m currently typing up this blog post. By doing so, I’m procrastinating on the dishes that I have to wash. I’m avoiding to clean the floor. I don’t want to be replying my emails now. I don’t want to be on Facebook now. I just want to write now. And by me writing, I am procrastinating on other activities.

My MacBook dictionary tells me that “to procrastinate” means to “delay or postpone an action; to put off doing something”.

The message from the GTD VSG? If you are going to procrastinate anyway, KNOW what you are procrastinating. It’s about knowing and feeling good about procrastination. It’s not about procrastinating itself. I know that when I write this, I will be doing the dishes immediately after I finish. I know that the floors will get cleaned this week. I know nothing on my email inbox will explode if I write this post now. I know that I can always surf on Facebook later.

So the next time, don’t fret about procrastination. Just make sure you know exactly what you’re procrastinating on, and feel good about it, i.e. it’s not the end of the world. If you are postponing it for a long time, chances are, it’s not that important to you. If it’s really important to you, you would have done that first, and procrastinate the rest.

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It is a long acronym for Getting Things Done Virtual Study Group. It does what it says and broadcast their study sessions through podcast. It’s a great way to keep your GTD skills fresh. It’s also great to see how others are struggling with the same problems you are when trying to implement the GTD method. I cannot recommend it highly enough. The facebook group is here. Their website is here. I’ve subscribed to them through iTunes.

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A week went by without much practice from my side. My poor performance shows when I turned up for class this morning. It wasn’t a total loss, as today, my lesson was on psychology.

Today, I learned to journey within other people through their Tai Chi form. The obvious example I can think of is the one all of us can relate to – doing a stiff form. It means you are not relaxed enough. For a beginner, this is common as you are not used to moving in a certain way, similar to learning anything new.

For someone more experienced, your own characteristics will start to show. There is a certain quality that defines every one’s form and ultimately, their character. Moving stiffly after years of training may mean stubborness. If you keep getting the same feedback from the teacher, it means that you have not moved on. You are still stuck in your old ways which you think is correct. This unwillingness to change will show up in your form, especially if you are doing the same thing over and over again. If you try to notice, or ask your family, you will notice the same thing happening in your family life as well.

Sometimes, when you start showing improvement in your form, it is an improvement in the wrong direction. For example, you might think that holding a lower stance is good, when your lower stance is forced through. Even after this was pointed out to you, you still think that this looks good on you. This has the characteristics of focusing on the superficial. It will show up in your work as well, like focusing on 3-dimensional pie charts and animation in your presentations…

If you use a lot of strength in your form, there is a tendency for aggresiveness. Again, this shows up when you deal with others, whether in your social life, your work life, or in any aspect of your life in general. You just like to be a big bully.

This is all very interesting, but the point of all these? To find out more about myself.

Our journeys are intertwined. And if our journeys crossed each other, chances are, there are plenty to learn for each of us. I do not pretend to know how the universe works by bringing you to read this article at this moment, or why doing Tai Chi led me to write this, or what am I having for dinner. But I do know this. Chances can be turned into opportunities, only we if we capitalise on it.

A Tai Chi lesson? A psychology lesson? A lesson in life? You decide.

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At one of the push hands class, I was discussing with a fellow student how to counter another person’s “attack”. While we were experimenting with various kinds of counter attack, a very important point emerged. I forgot about me.

Everyone is unique. Everyone has his own way of doing Tai Chi. It follows from this logic that everyone also has his own way of counter attacking. One method that works for one person may not work for another. And we are talking about counter-attacking the same person. Although he was showing me his way of counter attack, I have to develop my own way as well. I can adapt from his, but I have to learn how my body moves which is more efficient for myself than for others.

A question of “how did you do it” becomes “how can I do it my way”. Do not follow blindly what the teacher is teaching. Learn the essence, and adapt it to yourself. The whole world will be better off that way because you are contributing your own perspective to the world.

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I am currently in the process of offloading a small business that is simultaneously my dream job and my worst nightmare. Without going into the details of what job that is, it seems that although I love the job itself, it is not how I want to contribute to the world, as I have recently realised.

“They” say, the grass is always greener on the other side. But still, people go to those grasslands. People still flock there like a herd of sheep. However, we are following an invisible shepherd called “perception”.

I don’t know how we form our perception of greener pastures, but it was definitely formed subconsciously. It could be from movies. It could be from friends. It could be from parents. It could be from lovers. Whichever way it was formed, it seems like it wasn’t formed from within ourselves.

I know this now because I found out this about myself. I love my job. I love what I’m doing, but it doesn’t satisfy a bigger part of me. It doesn’t satisfy the part of me where I could be more. I found a cushy job but a cushy job does not promote growth. I thought no growth was good. I thought if sustainability is achieved, it’s a great feat. But this is what I found out about growth vs sustainability.

sustainability = growth

Growing is key to sustainability. If you don’t grow, you will be removed from the world, and more importantly, you will be removed from yourself.

You don’t have to grow at other people’s pace. You don’t have to grow at other people’s direction. BUT, you have to grow. Whichever direction you chose for yourself, you have to grow in that direction. It is the only way you are true to yourself.

But what’s the point of growing if we are only a blip in this world? What’s the point when we are only living in this world for a very short time?

Rather than answering that question, I would say, this question makes it more important that we choose our direction to grow wisely. It makes it more important that we focus our efforts. Rather than choosing what you think you might love, you’ll have to choose what you will really make you fall in love, head over heels.

As I seek closure to this chapter of my life, I’m looking forward to a new chapter. Stay tuned!

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Developing altitude sickness is not fun, whether you are in the mountains or in your mind. Getting things done (GTD) has a nice framework about altitudes. Just like climbing a real mountain, we can see what’s at the bottom of the mountain, because we are standing at it. We can even see what is just above it, because the clouds have not covered it yet. But moving higher requires some training, and some level of maturity.

A quick introduction about GTD. It is a way of identifying what is the very next action of a certain project, where a project is just something that you need to accomplish but couldn’t do so within one action, like finishing your homework. You may need to find out what is the homework, how long does it take to do the homework, schedule a time to do them, borrow the books that might help you finish your homework, research those books, highlight them, discuss with friends, discuss with your teacher, write it all up, summarise, hand in your homework, wait for it to be marked… etc. So, a simple task like finishing your homework is actually a long(ish) project requiring a lot of steps before you get there.

Now, we can see what is a homework. However, moving up a level, can you see what is the purpose of the homework? Do you know why are you doing the homework? Maybe it’s to pass an exam. And that takes you one level higher. And then the next question follows. Do you know why you want to pass that exam? Fulfill your dream? Fulfill your parents’ dream? Become a doctor? Become an engineer? So that you graduate from school? By being able to answer this, you are taking yourself to a next level of altitude in your life. Slowly, these steps will lead you to the ultimate question of “Why am I here on this planet?” type of question.

The journey within can be seen on this framework as well. You don’t need to go all the way to the 50,000 feet altitude. In fact, you can’t possibly reach there if you can’t even clear the homework right in front of you! However, as you clear your path in front of you, slowly, you will be able to see the woods from the trees, the forest from the woods. Slowly, you will be able to see your ultimate purpose “up there”.

The point here is this, you don’t need to go there in one step. You will fall. Jumping a great chasm will mean certain death. You’ll have to respect the spaces. Just take a small step. Find out more about yourself one little bit at a time. Train to climb a higher mountain. Your body and your mind will thank you for it.

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I have to say, looking deeply into yourself is not easy. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Why? I think we procrastinate against finding out the very thing that makes sense of it all. In short? We don’t want to find out about ourselves.

Strange isn’t it?

I love finding out more about my friends. I love to know what makes them tick. I like spending time sitting down, having a latte, and talking about what’s important in their life. What drives them in the morning. What makes them wake up. What is gripping their mind at the moment. What is occupying their attention at this very instant (apart from me of course). I like to probe. I am a tabloid news seeker, and yet, when probing inside myself, it’s just too damn hard…

Why is it easier to pry into other people’s life but when it comes to your own life, you set off anti-probing missiles?

It seems like we just don’t want to find out about ourselves. This is the mother of all types of procrastination.

There are a lot of things that we procrastinate on. Doing the dishes, ironing the clothes, meeting up with friends. Sooner or later, they will catch up to you. The dirty dishes will overflow the sink and onto the work top that you can’t ignore them any longer. You need the shirt for a big meeting today, and wished you’ve ironed it yesterday. Your friends will call you up and most likely scold you for being MIA (missing in action).

But, the one thing that doesn’t catch on to you, is you. If you don’t want to know yourself better, no one will try to force you. No one will come knocking on your door and sell you a “know yourself instant pill”. No one will want to know yourself better. I guess the question comes down to…

Do you want to know yourself better?

“They” say, the truth hurts. “They” say honesty is the best policy. THEY are not you. You get to decide how much truth you want to know. In fact, the body has built-in mechanisms to avoid truths, sometimes at all cost. You’ve heard about how a mind blocks out the past so that he can lead a future life.

Sooner or later, the past will catch up as well. You might be lucky in your lifetime that it doesn’t catch up with you. It might catch up with your love ones. It might catch up with your children. It might catch up with your children’s children. It might catch up with the friends that you tried to avoid. The point is, IT WILL CATCH UP.

So why wait? Let it catch up now and move on. Don’t wait to take that first step to knowing yourself. Don’t deprive yourself that opportunity to know yourself. Get the book. Make that appointment. Begin your own journey. Find out, before it’s too late.

It’s not too damn hard. It’s too damn hard not to…

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