Guides to life
Too much focus on self is selfish?
Reading through what I’ve written before, a lot of the articles focus on the self. Why the self is important in self-help. Why we should focus on our choices and don’t just play catch up. Why we should start with ourselves in sports or when we just want to eat healthily. Are all these articles pointing towards a very self-centered me? Am I just a very selfish person? Do I really believe that by focusing on improving myself is all that matters?
It is hard to argue against the selfish notion of personal development. It is “personal” development after all. I develop myself according to what I think it’s best for me. It’s all me, me, me. I want to believe that by focusing on myself, the positive energy and vibes will be shared to the people around me and people who come in contact with me, whether through physical presence or just merely reading my blog. Somehow, that view seems to be such a cop out. It’s like saying, “I just want to help myself, and I don’t care if it helps you or not. If it does, you’re my friend. If it doesn’t, well, too bad for you. I’m still doing what I like.”
I do hope I don’t come across like that. 
I write because I enjoy writing. I write because it helps me to solidfy my own thoughts. By being able to explain my thoughts in words, I put some flesh around my thoughts. And by making it readable, it’s more accessible to others as well so that I can get feedback, like the plenty of useful advice I get on Taking Private Lessons. These are still a very “me” way of viewing the world, which leads us to the original question. Is this selfish?
I think it’s unfortunate that the word “selfish” has a bad legacy. Although everyone of us has a certain degree of selfishness, depending on what you’re comparing, being labelled selfish is just not a socially friendly term. That’s why you tend to be more charitable if you’re in a social function, whereas you would probably ignore the beggar on a quiet street.
I would like to argue that being selfish is not all that bad. The first step to growing is to know where you are now. A rocket needs a platform to take off from. Similarly, you need a basis, a starting point from which to grow from. Without a good understanding of yourself, how can you judge where to grow from? So understanding yourself is very important, and you have to be selfish to understand yourself. A very self-centered view of yourself is the key to growing.
By understanding yourself, only then you can put yourself in the context of others. Only then you can understand others in relation to yourself. Only then you can make useful contribution in relation to others. This is what being selfish is all about - to eventually understand others and to make contribution that’s uniquely YOU.
I believe The Wisdom of Crowds
The world we live in is obviously very far from this. And I believe this is because of both the selfish and selfless acts of people that make this world what it is today. In fact, what is commonly labelled as selfless acts are also an expression of selfishness! The stranger who helps the blind man to cross the street is acting in that way because it feels good to him to help the blind man. The outcome is what we commonly label as “a selfless act of kindness”.
It seems to me that we can’t help it but BE selfish. After all, we can only be who we are!
p/s: Underlying the discussion above is a belief that human will do good. So selfishness will bring good to the society. We can’t ignore the fact that there are evil people as well. To quote Richard Dawkins on this subject, “Good people will do Good, Evil people will do Evil, but only religion can make Good people do Evil.” Another article for another time.
Tags: Discussion
4 comments for “Too much focus on self is selfish?”
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Great article and brings up a lot of points on the “true source” of altruism, which is quite a common debate in psychology.
This kind of also reminds me of some buddhist thought regarding the 4-noble truths and how suffering is eliminated by reducing desire, yet at the same time, one has to “desire” to reduce desire
Overall, I agree with your points and personally, I chose to “start with the man in the mirror”
Many problems start from not taking care and responsibility of oneself.
That aside, I think your argument is flawed fundamentally. Take this maths example as an illustration - I know you like maths haha.
If x = 1, y = -1, and x^2 = 1, y^2 = 1,
Therefore, x^2 = y^2 => x = y !!!
Improving oneself is being socially responsible, hence, is NOT selfish at all!
moongster, u are assuming Positive and Negative activities are multiplicative. the only consistent tangible multiplicative example i know of is compound interest!! otherwise, they are all additive, i.e.
x + x = 2x = 2, y + y = 2y = -2. It’s still a zero sum game.
Actually, the problem can be solved fundamentally.
x^2 = x * x, y^2 = y * y
So, although x^2 = y^2, it does not imply x = y.
Hence, although the result of (improving one self) = the result of (selfish), (improving one self) is not equal to (selfish), hehe.
One more thing,
“Good people will do Good, Evil people will do Evil, but only religion can make Good people do Evil.”
=> And religion can make Bad people do Good.