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Why do I feel like a dog

By Shang Lee ⋅ July 22, 2006 ⋅ Email This Post Email This Post ⋅ Print This Post Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

Reason #1 - Dog collar

I have a dog collar around my neck, holding my identity just in case I get lost in the streets. It also allows me to get inside my master’s building. I was told it was for “security” reasons. It’s for my own protection.

Reason #2 - Performing tricks

To destress from my job, my yoga teacher told me to lie down, roll over, go on all fours, and do a dog position.

Reason #3 - Grooming

My master dictates my fur coat. I must wear a shirt and tie. I must be well groomed.

Reason #4 - Punishment

I will be punished if i disobey my master or if I bark excessively at my master. I must do what my master tells me to do. The consequences could be disastrous, my master might disown me (fire me).

Reason #5 - Good behaviour

I am rewarded for good behaviour. I have Scooby snacks everytime I perform well. I will have a large dog bone if my behaviour is good for the whole year. I might even be promoted to a new kennel. See Reason #6.

Reason #6 - Kennel

I need to sit up and beg my master to give me a better kennel. I need to perform tricks to amuse my master. I will wag my tail and try to look cute occasionally so that my master adores me. At least I have to be cuter than the dog next door. Only then i MIGHT stand a chance to be promoted to a better kennel.

Reason #7 - Walking schedule

My master requires me to walk in front of him at a certain time of the day (currently 9am). Late comers will be publically shamed. I have 1 hour for my lunch time. I cannot leave earlier than 6pm. However, leaving later than 6pm is ok, or highly preferable. I won’t get extra Scooby snacks for staying late, but Reason #4, #5 and #6 are reasons enough for me to not ask for more Scooby snacks.

Reason #8 - Leash

My master keeps a leash on me at all times through the trusted mobile phone. I am at the beck and call of my master.

Reason #9

And finally, I feel like a dog because I violated some of the reasons I should never get a job.

DISCLAIMER: This by no means represent my current working conditions. It’s entirely fictional and exaggerated to put across a point, that if I walk like a dog, and bark like dog, I must be a dog. Woof!

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Discussion

4 comments for “Why do I feel like a dog”

  1. Haha..! Number 2 and 3 are hillarious! Like you, my master dictates my wardrobe too.. Personally, I don’t realy understand the need of wearing a tie for non-external-customer-facing positions.

    Posted by wujimon | July 22, 2006, 11:10 pm

  2. I empathise, for I’m in the exact same position, and #5 and #6 should be in the horizon sometime within the next couple of months, of which, failing to meet this doggy’s (or should I say bitch’s?!) expectations (in terms of size of scooby snacks and kennel), this doggy would look for a new master.

    That aside, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!, I shall not reveal the magical number, but yeah, hope you have a blast and the coming year would be fulfilling in every possible sense!

    Posted by Wai Yen | July 23, 2006, 1:01 pm

  3. Surprised to see me here?
    Just to say happy birthday :)

    Posted by guppy | July 26, 2006, 4:47 am

  4. maybe this dog article was a bit negative. thanks to Hew who reminded me that maybe we’re just looking for the greener grass.

    oh, and thanks for the birthday wishes. :D

    Posted by Shang Lee | July 26, 2006, 11:35 pm

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