Why do I feel like a dog
by Shang Lee
Reason #1 – Dog collar
I have a dog collar around my neck, holding my identity just in case I get lost in the streets. It also allows me to get inside my master’s building. I was told it was for “security” reasons. It’s for my own protection.
Reason #2 – Performing tricks
To destress from my job, my yoga teacher told me to lie down, roll over, go on all fours, and do a dog position.
Reason #3 – Grooming
My master dictates my fur coat. I must wear a shirt and tie. I must be well groomed.
Reason #4 – Punishment
I will be punished if i disobey my master or if I bark excessively at my master. I must do what my master tells me to do. The consequences could be disastrous, my master might disown me (fire me).
Reason #5 – Good behaviour
I am rewarded for good behaviour. I have Scooby snacks everytime I perform well. I will have a large dog bone if my behaviour is good for the whole year. I might even be promoted to a new kennel. See Reason #6.
Reason #6 – Kennel
I need to sit up and beg my master to give me a better kennel. I need to perform tricks to amuse my master. I will wag my tail and try to look cute occasionally so that my master adores me. At least I have to be cuter than the dog next door. Only then i MIGHT stand a chance to be promoted to a better kennel.
Reason #7 – Walking schedule
My master requires me to walk in front of him at a certain time of the day (currently 9am). Late comers will be publically shamed. I have 1 hour for my lunch time. I cannot leave earlier than 6pm. However, leaving later than 6pm is ok, or highly preferable. I won’t get extra Scooby snacks for staying late, but Reason #4, #5 and #6 are reasons enough for me to not ask for more Scooby snacks.
Reason #8 – Leash
My master keeps a leash on me at all times through the trusted mobile phone. I am at the beck and call of my master.
Reason #9
And finally, I feel like a dog because I violated some of the reasons I should never get a job.
DISCLAIMER: This by no means represent my current working conditions. It’s entirely fictional and exaggerated to put across a point, that if I walk like a dog, and bark like dog, I must be a dog. Woof!
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Haha..! Number 2 and 3 are hillarious! Like you, my master dictates my wardrobe too.. Personally, I don’t realy understand the need of wearing a tie for non-external-customer-facing positions.
I empathise, for I’m in the exact same position, and #5 and #6 should be in the horizon sometime within the next couple of months, of which, failing to meet this doggy’s (or should I say bitch’s?!) expectations (in terms of size of scooby snacks and kennel), this doggy would look for a new master.
That aside, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!, I shall not reveal the magical number, but yeah, hope you have a blast and the coming year would be fulfilling in every possible sense!
Surprised to see me here?
Just to say happy birthday
maybe this dog article was a bit negative. thanks to Hew who reminded me that maybe we’re just looking for the greener grass.
oh, and thanks for the birthday wishes.