We get signals now and again, about how we should go about our daily lives. The lives we’re trying to lead normally throws us clues as to how we should lead them. Sometimes the clues are loud, like “i’m hungry” and you head for the nearest place you can find food, within budget. Sometimes, the clues are subtle, like the conversation you had with a stranger in the library. That stranger eventually became my wife. :)

Subtlety of such signals actually depend on your receptors. Some people are always “tuned in” to these signals. Others may just never “get it”. One of the signals which I want to highlight today is “character fit”.

I’ve never thought of character fit as a signal. Then again, signals are difficult to tell. Most of the time, it depends on how you interpret the signals. The same signal may mean different things to different people. I’ve just watched Shawshank Redemption, again. That film is about hope, and life in prison to demonstrate the power of hope. There’s a quote about prison walls which I want to highlight:

These walls are funny. First you hate ‘em, then you get used to ‘em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them.

It reminds me about the the walls that we see around us, whether it’s built by our own self-limiting beliefs, or built by institutions. As time passes, you will get so used to them that you will depend on those walls. I picked up that message because of my interpretation of the signals given in the film.

Character fit plays an important role in life’s learning curve. You need both friends and foes. Hopefully more of the former, but they’re both equally important. My wife was (is?) as much of a foe as she is a friend. I’m sure she can testify to that. We quarrelled plenty during our “younger” days and still do today (although much less, i think she gave up). Without those quarrels, we may not end up where we are today, in wedlock!

Character fit played an important role with my choice of teachers. During school days, we never get to choose who our teachers were, although there were choices if you actually went for extra tuition, or extra classes. Even then, our choice of teachers could be quite limited. Being an adult now (although my wife would say that i’m still a kid!), i don’t think our choice actually expanded. You would know that you have found a good teacher if there is character fit. The teacher either push all your buttons so that you grow as a student, or the teacher has the same principles in life as you do, or the teacher brings some other meaning which you require at that point in time. Even bad teachers can fit your character if you are meant to learn something from them.

That’s how powerful character fit is. It’s not everyday you find someone with character fit. It may fit you as a friend, like a jigsaw puzzle. It may jar you like a blunt razor blade, like the person eyeing the same rung in the corporate ladder as you. Commonly known in the business world as “healthy competition”.

So when you do find character fit, be wary, be alert, and above all, be thankful! It may be some time before you find another person with character fit. I think character fit can also be known as “human fate”. 人缘 (ren yuan). You may think socialising more may increase your human fate, but it doesn’t work that way. You have to want to meet such people. You have to have faith that you’ll meet these people. The people you meet may not be who you think you want to meet initially, but they may be the most important person that you need at that point in your life, and could most likely affect you for the rest of your life!

So be wary, be alert, and be patient. Now all you need, is some character fit. :)