Life around Us
On giving and receiving advice
I was recently in a class full of students, as oppose to my individual training with my teacher. We were trying to correct the very first step of all Tai Ji forms - the “raise your hands and put it down”. I met a student who was really passionate about Tai Ji, and who started telling me that I shouldn’t be hung up with different forms, and that if I learn the principles, I will be able to access all forms. I didn’t disagree with what he said, but I just found him a bit strange telling me things that I myself has been preaching to myself.
I don’t speak about it as often because my experience tells me that we have to selectively give advice, so that the advice is apt and is just the thing the person needs to hear at that point in time. Anymore, none will be registered, any less, you might as well not tell. But he just started rambling, on everything about Tai Ji. I was a bit annoyed at first but I know why he did it. He’s passionate about the things he’s learning, and hence, indiscriminately wants to share all that he knows to others. He even made others practise (he helps out in class) just because he wants to increase his intensity of his own practice.
I have to say, I used to be like him, giving uncalled for advice, until I realised how little I know. I then started to refrain from saying much to other students. I would normally make suggestions when I see someone struggling, something for the student to consider. I believe this will be a more fruitful approach, rather than telling the principles verbatim. Contextual suggestions work better than regurgitating what I’ve learnt. I may sometimes add just that little bit more, hopefully able to tempt the student to want to know more. I guess in this instance, I’m trying to use the principles I learn in Push Hands.
Maybe I should tempt him to come to the Push Hands class. 
Nevertheless, he has been quite an inspiration in his own way as I’m now wanting to better him at his game. I know this is antithesis to learning Tai Ji, but hopefully I can build this into a healthy competition.
Tags: Discussion
2 comments for “On giving and receiving advice”
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It’s pointless to give advice unless asked for, and even then it’s not usually appreciated. It’s much better to show than speak. Invite this guy to PH class and show him things. Then when he wants to talk about it, make him shut up and push.
Haha! Based on your article on fullness and emptiness, his talk is full but his action is empty. So I should use my action (hopefully fuller than his!) rather than attacking his talk (which is already full). Then it’ll be like throwing stones on eggs.