Somehow, I seem to be holding up a sign to invite others to bully me. I seem to appear helpless among all the helpful people around me. I seem to be so inadequate that others feel a need to impart their teachings, their opinions, their wisdom. And yet, I seem to be the only one who’s listening, and trying to improve myself.
Ok. Bully might be too strong a word. And, I’m sure I don’t always listen and improve on myself. Just ask my wife. 
I believe everyone wants to improve themselves. Everyone wants to be the best, or as good as they can be. But when they don’t realise that they’re not there yet (see unconscious incompetence), it’s tough for me (or anyone) to point out to them. It’s tougher for me to give their advice consideration, as they themselves cannot do what they’re preaching. They themselves have not fully understood what they’re saying.
So how should I deal with this?
I still believe in learning from all. I still believe that being humble means that I can learn more from others. I’m sad that a large proportion of society equates humility to being weak. Aggressive behaviour is rewarded. The quiet ones are sidelined. It takes a wise person to understand the difference between being weak and being humble. It takes a stronger person to realise this especially when the person has formal authority or power e.g. leader or a teacher.
At one point, I thought I should learn to be more aggressive. I thought I should try to always get my way. It seems to work most of the time in the corporate world. Well, it seems to work most of the time in a lot of worlds! My wise wife quickly pointed out that if that’s not me, I shouldn’t be that kind of person. It’s not the kind of person that I want to be.
How true.
The best I can be is just to be me. Being myself defines who I am. I don’t like confrontation. I like to “hua” (化, commonly translated as yield), to make the matter at hand irrelevant and everyone wins. That’s why Tai Ji speaks so much to me, and that’s why my current teacher’s philosophy speaks so much to me.
I think it’s still important to be me. Who else would I be?
p/s: Actually, being aggressive is not a steep learning curve for me. I used to be short-tempered, and that normally translates to aggression. I do find learning Tai Ji helps. It helps me calm the mind, and be able to absorb more things which I would have erupted during my younger days. My fuse to eruption is much longer now. I seem to be more open to different comments, especially the bad ones, and although I don’t like it in the heat of the moment, I’m able to pass it calmly and jokingly. I do vent about it later, either through journalling or through my poor wife, but I’m glad that I didn’t do something I would regret in the heat of the moment.
If you think this is worth sharing, do share it with your friends. Thank you for reading.
Related posts:
One Comment
Taiji is yin AND yang. While the I Ching mostly advises to hold back and lay low, there are times to push forward. Generally speaking, these times are limited and well focused.