I killed myself
I dreamt I killed someone, and it’s not the first dream I had on this murder. As vivid as the dream is, I still couldn’t quite see who the victim was, until recently. It’s a realisation rather than being there again to witness the murder. The victim – was me.
Death has been a strong theme for me this week – the death of my 100 year old grandmother, the death of me, even the book I’m reading features death quite prominently (The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown). I spent almost a week going through the proceedings of my grandmother’s death, conducted very much like the business of death I wrote earlier. However, this time, I feel different.
I am not close to my grandmother, but her strength to live past the century mark gives great courage to all the living people around her. I think that’s what the proceedings are all about, it’s for the living to accept her death, but more importantly, it’s for the living to celebrate life! To remind us that death is inevitable, but it takes great will to live a long and full life.
I believe my dream is to strengthen this message – the will to live a strong and full life. Sometimes you must let go the life you had planned in order to make room for the life ahead of you. I believe that was why I killed myself. I killed my past me to release the future me.
My dream on death was a vivid dream, filled with remorse, guilt, the feeling that I can’t let go and clinging grudgingly to the past life. To experience death in my dream might be the kindest death experience to anyone, if you need to realise the importance of living fully through death. I hope you don’t have to wait till the real thing to realise the importance of living fully.
Some books on the wisdom of death and how to make full use of the present, the now.
- Tuesdays with Morrie
- The Last Lecture
- The Final Exam: A Surgeon’s Reflections on Mortality
- The Now Habit
- The Power of Now
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Category: Guides to life | Tags: books, inspiration, motivation, self empowerment Comment »