I’ve talked a lot about letting go. I thought I was letting go, but I wasn’t. I still do the same things as my opponent do. I use the same mentality to overcome their incompetence. Making me as incompetent as they are.
I thought I was relaxing. I thought I was using less strength. I thought I was using less muscle. The worse part is, I thought I am better than them, because I’ve been at it for a while, so I shouldn’t be pushed around.
The thing is, i’m not using the teachings taught by my teacher. I’m not using the kind of internal strength required. My mind set is still largely external. I understand theoretically that I should be thinking internal. But when actually doing it, I struggle. And the worse part is? I don’t realise I struggle.
I thought I’m moving in the right direction. But actually, I do it like they do it.
In order to rise above the others, I need to have a higher expectation of myself. I need to ask more from myself. I cannot succumb to using their mentality to overcome their weakness. I need to let them push around. I cannot worry about winning. I need to lose.
I thought I wasn’t worried. I am. It’s still in me. I don’t know why I got it today. I just got it. I just got it that I am just like them.
However, I am glad that I got it now.
We are often told that to get into the game, we need to play by the rules. You get the rules, you get the game, and you get ahead. I think the important thing is to get the rules. However, we cannot play by the rules. The rules are set based on one of the truths. The rules are set based on one interpretation of the world. There are other interpretations. You have to journey within yourself to find your own. As Albert Einstein said:
You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.
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