Arguing your way out of a fight
by Shang Lee
I’ve never thought of arguing and fighting can be different. It is only recently that I realise the distinction, and that my interpretation of using Tai Chi is more of arguing than of fighting.
I have been doing Push Hands for 2 years now, once almost every week. I see push hands as an argument between two person. The best person wins by winning both the opponent and himself. I don’t see the point in fighting. I don’t see the need to win the other person by pushing the person down on the floor. I can do that everyday, most of the time, injuring myself in the process, without going through the motions of push hands. I would rather win by argument. There is chance of a win-win in an argument. There is no chance of a win-win in fighting. By fighting, the best fighter wins with the first strike, thus incapacitating the opponent. The best argument does not break the opponent’s neck. The opponent can create a totally different argument to counter the best argument. The opponent can change the level of the argument thus trying to win by logic, change the intensity of the argument i.e. trying to win by emotion, or change the process of the argument when trying to win by his own character.
An argument can be won by all these three components, logic, emotion and character. In the context of push hands, the logic part will be technique. The emotion part will be anger (or the lack of anger actually, i.e. composure). The character part would be compassion and honesty. Understand these three components in you, and you will be able to see your own strengths and weaknesses in push hands. Capitalise on your strengths. Build around your weakness. You will see a better fighter in you, or a more persuasive fighter.
Now, I have still got a long way to go when it comes to arguing with the wife. Maybe my understanding will eventually extend to that level. For now, I’m just happy she’s on my side. She is really an instinctive arguer… 
p/s: inspired from the book by Jay Heinrichs titled Thank You for Arguing – What Aristotle, Eminem and Homer Simpson can teach us about the art of persuasion.
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Face-to-face is our most aggressive way of posturing. If you’re attempting to win an argument, this is not a nice way to behave.
Try standing next to your opponent, as if you’re on the same side, gesticulating into the distance, as if you have a common enemy. You’ll win. So will your opponent. And it’s nice.
Push hands, one the other hand, is an ideal place to learn how to strike first.
Interesting interpretation of my book; thanks for mentioning it.
I know nothing of push hands, but Aristotle said that character trumps logic and emotion in an argument. If you like and trust someone, you’re much more likely to be swayed by what he says. To win that trust, you should (a) convince your audience that you know what you’re doing; (b) make the audience believe you have their best interests at heart; and (c) show that you share the same values.
Most important, keep in mind that the persuadable audience may not be the person you’re arguing with, but those who are listening in.
And I know what you mean about arguing with your wife. She knows all my tricks. And she’s a babe.
Jay
@S.Smith: thanks for dropping by. agree on the aggressive posturing, but i think that posture is also more honest. will have to depend on the tone of the voice then. as for push hands, i don’t think it’s meant to train first strike, in fact, i think it’s meant to listen to the first strike, and strike later. i think there is a popular tai chi saying “后发先至“ which means “strike later but arrive first”, literal translation!
@Jay: I believe this is the first time an author of a book ever come to my blog. Thank you!! I do have a 3rd interpretation of the audience. Myself. Sometimes, the most critical audience is myself, and persuading myself takes a bit of patience as well. Thanks for the comments again.