Ever since saying goodbye to my day job, i find it difficult to shut the chatter in the mind. It seems to be still buzzing with plenty of noise, noise that isn’t necessarily helpful to my purpose of journeying within. I guess this constant chatter is part of the sights when you journey within. It’s not something you can take your eyes off when you’re journeying within.
The landscape in any journey within can vary according to your purpose. But largely, it depends on what you want to see. I feel like my old self is still calling out to me, asking me to get a real job. It seems like I haven’t properly killed my old self yet.
The reason for my own journey within is to find out what I really want to do. To find out how can I really contribute to this world. And to be financially free in doing so.
It has taken a lot of grinding, a lot of temper, a lot of stop starts. Ultimately, it means that I have to grind the old mind to a halt so that I can step off the track and take a new train on another track. The brakes are not working too well. I know I am slowing down. I know the mind is trying to do a U turn. But I seem to be still trying to reach the bottom of the ‘U’.
What i find is this.
There are several roles that I want to be. I want to be a writer. I want to be a runner. I want to be good in Tai Ji. I want to be an enabler. I want to be financially independent. I want to be a thinker. I want to be able to hike mountains frequently. I thought hard about what is the common theme among all these roles. I came to this conclusion.
I want to see and help others to see.
I recategorise these roles into “learning to see better“, “process what I see” and “communicate what I see“. The result is a Venn diagram that looked something like this…
Red – learning to see better | Green – process what I see | Blue – communicate what I see
Being financially independent seems to grease all the other parts, so it came as no surprise that it appeared in the middle of the Venn diagram. I did find being artist interesting, as I have never thought that it has so much impact on what I plan to do, i.e. to see better and help others to see as well. I was actually debating whether to include being a writer in the middle, as it does help me learn to see better, but not in a direct way as drawing does.
So, it seems only logical that if I were to maximise the use of my time, I should focus on the bit in the middle before branching out to the sides. But I do like the sides. I’ve spent a lot of time doing Tai Ji, and a lot of time writing. Not enough time is spent being an artist or being financially independent. Based on this, I can see now that I need to refocus my efforts on the middle one. Drawing will take a steep learning curve for me, so I can cheat a bit and say that writing achieves the same effect. 
I do intend to be an artist at some point.
The thing is, I am realistic about my abilities. I am not talented to the extent of the intuitive people out there. I just want to be “good enough” which has quite a vague definition. But I believe I will know it when I get there. It’s the drive that makes us alive rather than reaching there isn’t it?
This is from my own journal, but when I see the process I went through, I thought it might be useful for you to search for your own roles, and to see the common theme among your roles, so that you can focus on the role that gives you the maximum impact among all. I will still perform the other roles, but the time spent would be less than the core roles which transcends all areas of focus. So…
- list out your roles that you want to be
- find the common theme
- use a Venn diagram if it helps (you might only have 2 circles or 4 or more, it’s up to you and your purpose)
- be ready to be surprised, and if you’re not, you have already journeyed deep within yourself, more than you have realised.
If you think this is worth sharing, do share it with your friends. Thank you for reading.
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