I was running yesterday, and after a while, it hit me. I was relaxing into the run. My legs moved faster. I was breathing less heavily. The run felt easier. Everything about the run just felt right. And yet, my mind thinks that this is all wrong. I shouldn’t be feeling this good when I am pushing my limits. My body should feel more stressed. I should take it easy. I shouldn’t make my body work this hard. And all this mind talk gave way to… more stress. I slowed down, breathed more heavily, and every step became harder.
When something good happens to you, sometimes you don’t think you deserve it. You don’t think you deserve the money that you should be receiving. You don’t think that you should be running that fast. You don’t think you should be climbing the corporate ladder so soon. You don’t think you’re ready to be the leader that you aspire to be. Guess what?
As soon as you THINK you are not worthy, YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.
I felt disorientated during my run, because I was doing the right thing. I was in the flow. And yet, the doubter in me feels that this shouldn’t be the way. Running fast shouldn’t feel this good. I killed the moment. I tried to recreate the moment. It took a while before I could get back into the moment, and when I was in, I made sure I stayed in. I stayed out of my way.
I tried my very best not to think about the moment. Not to give it the glory it deserves. I’m just placing one step after the next. The feet are doing what they know best, as long as I don’t interfere.
It’s not always easy to get back into the moment. The chances of that promotion coming round the second time is probably quite slim. In running, I can take another step pretty quickly. In life, the opportunity normally comes when you least expected it to. The second chance, not that often.
There is no one way of doing things. There is no “should”.
Feel the disorientation. Do it anyway.
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