The Journey Within

I saw a dad teaching a kid how to ride a skate board. It’s not those with four wheels, but those board with 2 wheels. It’s actually made of 2 diamond shaped board, connected by some “twister” material. To move forward, you twist the front and back panel in opposite directions. I’m just surprised a 40 year old dad, who weighs no less than 90kg, is trying to teach a 6 year old skate boarding. And the most interesting quote he used? “stop thinking kid! you’re thinking too much!”

Now, i thought kids weren’t suppose to think too much. I don’t remember thinking when I was learning how to ride a bicycle. I remember falling, and I guess that’s how we learn. i don’t know why kids are now thinking at such a young age. They are growing up with adult inhibitions, which is not a good thing! Growth is everything for a kid, and for growth to happen, the lack of inhibitions are the number one thing allowing growth. That’s why adults find it so difficult to learn anything, because our preconceptions are just too many. “you can’t do that, that’ll look awful”, “what will your wife say”, “and how much will that cost”…

There will always be an excuse not to do something, say something, don’t say something… Kids shouldn’t have those excuses, not before they’re indoctrinated by the society’s values. As James Surowiecki said, the wisdom of crowds will only work if everyone has an independent mind. To paraphrase that, the collective intelligence of mankind will only work if we grow independently, with as little inhibitions as possible. It’ll make a more fascinating planet to live in, compared to a world where everyone thinks and does the same thing.

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It’s been a while since the subject on Room to Read came up. Now there’s a quick way you can get involved. Simply vote for the project “6000 Girls’ Scholarship in the Developing World“, and if it gets to at least top 25, American Express will sponsor quite a sum into the project! Click here for more details on the project. You can read more about Room to Read at roomtoread.org. The following is the exact email from them on this subject.

—–

Hey there Room to Read volunteers and members of the Buzz List!

We need your help!  American Express recently launched their 2008 “Members Project,” which asks American Express cardholders to submit project ideas in 5 key areas that will help change the world, and then asks cardholders to vote on the winning projects.  American Express plans to give away $2.5 million to the winning projects, including $1.5 million for first place. What would that mean for Room to Read ? It would mean we would be able to give 6,000 girls access to an education.

Thanks to our former San Diego chapter leaders, we submitted a Room to Grow project for consideration. In case you’re not familiar with this program, our Room to Grow Girls’ Scholarship Program gives thousands of girls access to education through a holistic scholarship that includes:

• Monthly school fees, school uniforms, books, supplies and backpacks
• Academic tutoring as needed
• Developmental support through life skills trainings and field trips
• Parent meetings and workshops
• Transportation (such as a bicycle or bus fare) as needed
• Medical coverage
• Mentorship by women staff members of Room to Read

Now we need you to nominate it!  Anyone (even non-cardholders) can nominate a project once it’s submitted – the more nominations a project gets, the better its chances for making the “Top 25.”  After the nomination period ends on September 1st, American Express will announce the Top 25 projects.  AmEx cardholders will then vote on the Top 5 (announced on September 30th) and then vote again for the winning project.  The winners will be announced on October 14th.  We’re hoping that you will nominate our project!

The instructions to nominate are as follows:

1. If you have an AmEx card, you can log in to nominate our project here
2. If you do not have an AmEx card, you can log in as a guest here
3. Click on Room to Read’s project link or enter “Room to Read” in the search box.
Please note our project is titled “6,000 Girls’ Scholarships in the Developing World.”
4. In case you can’t find it, Room to Read’s project is listed under the “Education”
category and the “Achievement Gap” subcategory.
5. Click on “Nominate this Project!”

Once you’ve nominated our project, we’d ask that you spread the word throughout your
networks by:

• Forwarding this email on to at least 10 friends
• Posting the project on your Facebook or social networking page (if you have one) by
clicking on the appropriate icon at the bottom of our AmEx project page
• You can also click on “More Ways to Get Involved” on the project page if you’re
looking for other ideas about how to rally support

We’ll be sure to let you know if we make the Top 25 so we can encourage everyone to vote for our project.  Just think, if Room to Read were to win the top prize, 6,000 girls across the world could go to school.

Thanks in advance for your help,

The Room to Read Team

Room to Read
info@roomtoread.org
415.561.3331

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When I wrote about standing at the wrong place at the wrong time, I didn’t realise that there could be a further reason. I think it follows the bikini logic, where less is more.

When going shopping with my wife, I always find that I’m standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe, it’s not me standing in the way of the bag, the dress or the lingerie. It’s because I’m hiding parts of those items, which makes them stand out, or makes the people around me want to see more of those items, just like wearing a bikini.

If everyone’s naked, there won’t be an urge to “see more”. Maybe this is the way for a more peaceful world. A naked world where there’s nothing to hide. I wonder if that’s the logic of the naturists…

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Deadlines. Bad project management. Bad combination. This is the time when you start to wonder why things don’t work the way they’re suppose to work, and a lot of the times, you realise that history finds its way to invade the present rather than stay in the past, just like our QWERTY keyboard.

So what happens when things don’t work? You start to enhance them, change them, but still based on the old paradigm, based on the existing infrastructure, until there comes a tipping point when you find that the existing infrastructure just can’t take any more patch jobs. It’s art when it’s a patched quilt. It’s torture when it’s a patched system.

Yet we still patch them, over and over again. Each additional patch will have to be remembered somehow because any new patch will need to take into account how the old patch work. Most of the times, to reduce time devising such a patch, we do a “copy and paste”, then add a few more lines of code to that. Then we estimate the time to do just that, and test the other systems so that this new code didn’t affect how the old ones work.

And here lies the thing that’s bothering me. If the system takes 5 man months to change, it takes 5 man months to change. If a process for a group of people takes 5 days, and you need it yesterday, it’s perfectly acceptable to expect this group of people to deliver it the next day.

Technology seems to have a higher status than humans. Technology can throw up their hands and say “I can’t do it in time” and we’ll accept such a thing. When humans do that, we are weak, not efficient, not effective, not productive, not loyal, not motivated, not… <fill in your own self-help jargon>.

Why have we been relegated to such a status? Why do we discriminate against our own kind? Why do we idolise technology instead?

I fear we may be less trusting than I’ve previously thought. We don’t trust the decision made by anyone else except ourselves. If someone said “it’s a 5-day job”, you would compare and see if it really takes 5 days. After a while, the level of distrust will escalate because if I say 5 day, you’d tell me to do it in a day, I’ll say 10 days so that you might discount it to 5. The distrust works both ways. If you don’t trust my estimate, I don’t trust your decision and I don’t give you a true estimate, and you will never trust my estimate etc…

How do we go round this conundrum? I think someone has to start. I’ve been known to trust people too easily, but sometimes, you just have to do it to see where it goes. Maybe later, I’ll be more cynical and pessimistic that I’ll start withdrawing myself into a clamshell. At least I’m moulding a pearl in it, to come out when my layers of defense have hardened.

A pearl can be bought and sold. Trust can’t. You just have to give to receive.

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I’ve just ordered my first book from BetterWorld.com. It aims to meet the Triple Bottom Line – social impact, environmental impact and economic impact. It also uses carbonfree shipping. It’s not actually carbon free as the book still has to travel the distances and the vehicles that carry it still has to emit those carbon emissions. What it claims to do is to “… buy clean energy credits to reverse deforestation…”. The credits are based on the estimates calculated in Carbonfund.org.

The book I bought is cheaper compared to elsewhere, and the shipping cost is $2.97 flat. It took 1 whole month to arrive. If you are looking to buy a book the next time, try BetterWorld.com. Who knows, if what they claim they’re doing is actually having a positive impact to the environment, we might be able to create a better world after all! If not, you’ve got yourself a bargain anyway. That must be worth waiting for.

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Questions. They’re easily recognisable. It’s when a kid asks why the sky is blue, or why can’t I have that ice-cream. It’s when a tourist asks how to get to Chinatown, or when a girl asks a passer-by where are we (because guys will never ask for directions).

And then there are those that reside in our heads, constantly questioning our actions, why am I in this job, what am I having for dinner, what does my boss think of me, why am I not improving, why am I not practising hard, why am I still fat, why haven’t that guy approach me yet…

In keeping with the spirit of learning less everyday, I find that I need to lower the number of questions. I normally find that the more questions I ask, the more questions will appear. And it’s exponential, the questions somehow attracts a trail of other questions, and the trail will only stop if you stop questioning.

As I learn more about Tai Ji, I find that we tend to answer questions that aren’t being asked at all. We tend to tell others, regardless of whether we really understand what we’re saying, that you shouldn’t be doing this, you should be moving like that, you should be more relaxed, your hand should be here, your leg should be there etc. If there’s no one there for you to impart your “wisdom”, you’ll start asking yourself – why does this not feel right, why can’t I relax my kua, why can’t I bend lower, why does my knees hurt…

Somehow, we are just asking too many questions and the answers are just not catching up fast enough. The race to understanding the world around us and ultimately understanding ourselves seem to have only one winner – the Questions. Answers are constantly losing every round of this race.

Is this a fair race? Should we be constantly asking? Questioning? Is this how humans grow? Look, more questions.

It comes to a point that I hate questions. So much so that I want to stop asking, and let the Answers come to the Questions, rather than letting the Questions go seek the Answers. So I’ve cut down on questioning myself why and just ignore the Question until the Answer presents itself. By then, the Question will be irrelevant as the Answer cancels out the Question.

So if the next time I did not answer you, it’s because I don’t know the answer, and you shouldn’t be asking as well, because by telling you the answer does not actually answer your question. To really answer your question, you have to answer it yourself. Are you patient enough to learn the answer truthfully? I guess that is the real question.

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What’s your favourite word? Does any one word ignite a particular emotion from you? Does any one word stir you on? Makes you want to get up? Or do you just hate a particular word? I seldom have such passion for words. I prefer actions. Although actions do speak louder than words, sometimes, a word just jump at you and say…

hey, wanna get more of me?

I came across the word “Elemental” in a book by Robert Fulghum called All I really Need to know I learned in Kindergarten. He cites the rules in Kindergarten applies to life itself. If followed, you don’t need to try to understand the common jargon that permeates our language today.

For instance, instead of saying

“Studies have shown that human society cannot function without an equitable distribution of the resources of the earth.”

The Kindergarten rules say

“To be fair, we must share.” Period.

I guess adults just have the knack of complicating things. We are so used to complicating things that we hardly see the simple rules that we learned in Kindergarten anymore. According to Robert Fulghum, Kindergarten rules are not kid stuff.

It’s not simple. It’s elemental.

Maybe we should* remind ourselves these elemental rules that we learned when we’re young. To give you some common ones:

• Don’t hit people (we can avoid wars with this).
• Don’t take what’s not yours.
• Clean up your own mess (this trumps all the environmental awareness we try to create).
• Put things back where you found them.

Can you think of more? Have you been using them? Have you forgotten them?

* I think the word “should” should be banned. You either do it or don’t. That’s one word I don’t want to use if possible.

p/s: If you want to keep a list of your favourite words or a list of your hate words, try Wordie.org. Warning, you might get addicted!

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In push hands, one of my teacher’s favourite quote is to tell us not to push your partner into oblivion.

Push 70% and leave 30% for yourself (逼人七分，留三分给自己）

I’ve unconsciously recorded this in my mind, only to realise I like the quote because I used it in my teaching as well!

The reason he gave? If you push all the way, there is no turning back. You force your partner into a position where he’ll get hurt and that’s not good. You’ll hurt his body as well as his ego, especially if you do this umpteen times. It’s also less of a learning opportunity for both if all you do is push the guy away. Most importantly, it’s for safety.

The Book of Five Rings, a book about the way of the Samurai, says that

the fighting instinct is greatest when an animal is cornered with no place to run

Similarly, when cornered into an apparently no win situation, our survival instinct would mean us using all means necessary to lift ourselves away from such position. You could argue that this brings out the best in you, but to what extent are you willing to do this? Hurting the partner? Hurting yourself? Doing something you’ll regret later?

This quote recently surfaced again when there was some verbal abuse going on at work. We don’t need to fight all the way. We can choose to leave some retreating ground for the “opponent”. It should be enough to show the opponent that no further fight is needed, but not too much to show your opponent who’s boss, tempting the person to come back with a revengeful heart.

Of course, all this is well and good in theory. In the heat of the moment, the compassion may not shine through and leads to a lose-lose-lose situation – you lose the respect from your opponent, you lose the lesson, and most importantly, you lose control of yourself and gave in to circumstances.

A compassionate teacher always loses, but is the lost worth it? Are you willing to win to lose yourself, or lose to win yourself? Or is there a third way? I think by not forcing your opponent all the way, you win your opponent, win the lesson and win yourself. Why choose any other way?

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Ever wished to be a Hero? A hero like Superman? Spiderman?

You don’t have to have superpowers to be a Hero.

That’s one of the quote from a TV series titled “Heroes”. The TV series is about a group of people with special powers. Some of these people think about the amount of good they can do with these powers. Others, prefer personal gain or world domination (think X-men without costumes). Of course, there are some who just want to lead a normal life. The series depict the light and dark side of people with powers. Kind’a like our world isn’t it?

I do like the series, so if you get a chance, do watch it.

As an aside, I was lucky enough to win a pair of tickets to meet some of the cast from Heroes. Got some memorabilia, a long wait, and a brief encounter with the cast. I thought they would have at least come down and gave some autographs, but it was just up on stage, “thank you fans i love you”, and a not so discreet exit. I guess being a Hero on TV and in real life is really the same – you do not have much time for everyone.

I think I’m too old to be here. I don’t even have a banner like the girl below.

There was girl with a poster which reads “Mohinder, marry me”, and another with a dotted line drawn across her forehead, with a caption “cut here”. (If you watched the series, you’ll know why). The closest shot I got was when Greg, Ali and Masi Oka entered the stage.

I think I still prefer to be on the couch watching them.

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Compassion has a bad name in the competitive world. It means losing. It means you’re not up to standard. It means you’re not promoted. It means you don’t know how to play the game. But sometimes, in order to learn, a teacher has to show you what not to learn. And that is when he needs to “lose” to show you the way. Sadly, such teachings are only effective if the student is ready to learn. If the student is out to “win” the teacher, the loss is more than what the teacher is giving up, the loss is the lesson itself.

To put this into context, I first noticed this in a tai ji push hands class. The thing about push hands is that the more muscle you use, the harder you fall. Then I saw my teacher resisting the temptation to let that happen, but allow the student to continue to push him around, so that the student can learn and not just “push and be done”.

I don’t know about him, but I would think it must be boring for the teacher to continue to let the student push around and yet choose not to fight back. And yet, my current teacher is doing it over and over again. This is sometimes a more worthwhile lesson than push hands itself – compassion to teach.

My current teacher said that he has fused his life with Tai Ji’s teachings. This is probably one of the fusions. If only more students realise what a gift the teacher has been presenting. Maybe you might notice this in one of your class one day.

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